I’m all about down time as much as possible.
I don’t think I’ll ever reach a full understanding of how important un-scheduled time is, but every time I intentionally say “no” to something we don’t need, plan down time (and then take it a step further and remove electronics), we end up with more family time and often surprises.
It’s as if my unplanned time, my empty calendar, is the slate with which God can create works of art in the timeline of my life. Maybe the sabbath-for-one-day was the minimum and it’s a hint of what our lives were meant to be like.
This attitude is a stark contrast to the packed schedule of my twenties. And folks who see me and my family out and about might be surprised, given we usually do have a lot of activities going on.
The different is the intention behind every yes to a commitment. Will this commitment strengthen a key relationship? Will saying yes to this cause stress? If so to whom? is it one time or recurring? Is it worth it to introduce? What does this yes means we say no to?
Since becoming a parent, I’ve fought any inclination to put the kids in activities that split my family up or cause overly burdensome stress on us (for example, trying to get to a 5pm activity start during a workday). I’ve also worked hard to do chores on Saturday to get as much of a chore/task free day on Sunday as we can.
It’s changing the family dynamic for the better. I look forward to the weekend with the knowledge that we’re spending time together. That’s not to say we don’t have anything planned, but I know I’ll see my babies. So on the hectic weeknights when I’m late for pickup and it’s basically eat-pray-read-bed, I know we will have a chance to re-fuel our relationship.
The big kids (6 and 4) have been home for summer and I don’t have anything planned for them — infinite downtime possibilities. They have tablet limits and then I send them to go play by themselves. They also put away clothes and dishes, make their own lunches, and are responsible for cleaning up whatever they get out.
It has been a great lesson in not micro-managing for me — I have had to stop myself from telling them how I would do something. They continue to surprise me, even when they procrastinate, with their ability to occupy their time and eventually get a task done. If I micro-managed them, I’m not sure I’d have the chance to see them use their own creativity to get a job done. And all the while, they are building relationships, one that will ultimately outlive my own time with them 👀🫣.
So what do we prioritize to say yes to? Relationship! When our calendar is clear, we can say Yes to a new activity at church (hello All Day Divine Mercy Sunday stuff), we can say Yes to a fun thing we can do as a family (spontaneous Movie Night in the Park), and we can say Yes to an opportunity to spend time with family and friends. This is such a priority for us that I have a booking link for friends and family to check out our calendar so we can get down to relationship without the check-my-calendar work!
Another yes is to giving my husband and I time to pursue our own interests on the weekend. My husband has started cooking for a Greek diet and these recipes seem to have a minimum of 10 ingredients and 3 dishes (waaayyy over my acceptable recipe thresholds) and I love to try new bike trails, chill in the pool and um, nap a lot more. This is an important point because I am constantly told “I don’t know how you do it” when I mention I have three kids and work. Intentional downtime is an incredibly important element to making this life work and coming out with joy and a feeling that time is not passing by too quickly.
Maybe one day I will stop being surprised that when I do something God has asked me to do, I reap benefits that resonate with my soul and increase joy and love in my life. Maybe not. But I’m so glad that God has put me in this time, with the knowledge of His will and the wealth of resources around raising families in a counter-cultural way, so I can do the best I can with the circumstances I’m in!
Let Us Pray:
<< Deep Breath >>
<< One more deep breath 🙂 >>
God, our Father
You made us and you know us so much more than we know ourselves.
You crafted us uniquely and you know how we work.
You know the ideal operating conditions of the human person!
You made us for Love. You made us for Joy. You made us for relationship.
Only in You can we ever hope to reach the heights to which we have been created — a purpose that existed from before time began.
Thank you for this time.
Thank you for ever breath I have had and will ever have.
Guide me to use every second, ever breath, to move closer to my uniquely designed purpose.
And give me the grace to return to my Creator once my time and my breath are complete!