A priest shared some advice he received during his discernment: choose the vocation that will most lead you to holiness.
While I wouldn’t have articulated that exact reason to my calling at the time, marriage has definitely been an experience that has grown me in holiness, has grown me in putting the needs of others first and in illuminating my flaws so that I can fix them. Being a wife has definitely moved the needle but becoming a mother is really the propelling force to a lot of the strides I’ve made in holiness.
I have really enjoyed the Hallow app and there’s a new series out about our identity as children of God. The author talks about how we as humans need a strong attachment and that our attachment allows us to thrive inward in our self opinion and outward with regard to the risks we take, the choices we pursue, and even our ability to extend ourselves in service to others. I’ve spent a lot of time reading about various parenting strategies and I believe this one and have seen it in action with my three kids.
I started the parenting journey with the authoritarian parenting style. But I’ve come to learn and believe that allowing others to make choices and to nurture the relationship first despite the mistakes that might happen is the stronger way to grow together to grow myself and to grow that person. Along the way I picked up the idea that it is a good thing, a blessing even, if a child throws a tantrum with me. What? The idea is that when somebody has so much emotion bottled up and they don’t know how to let it out, they will choose a safe person to let it all out with. If you’re a parent who has encountered that, or dare I say a spouse, you are a safe space for someone who is still working on handling their big feelings.
So back to this podcast, God is the perfect father and I had a chance to think about my attachment with Him. While I definitely had more of an authoritarian relationship as a small child, with God it’s always been a strong attachment. I’ve always known in my core that He loves me regardless of my mistakes. And because of that I have thrown some big tantrums with Him. Literally on my knees shouting, we have had some conversations at a tenor that I’ve never had with a human being. But at the end, I’m allowed to express myself, I’m not struck down by heavenly fire or swallowed up by the Earth, I am comforted I am dusted off I am reminded of my dignity and our relationship is all the stronger.
I had heard in my early days of retreating that some people felt like certain prayer requests were too trivial for God or that they couldn’t approach God until they were perfect. This was always a surprise to me because my logical brain knew He always loves me regardless of my actions and He has infinite time and resources to pay attention to my trivial thoughts and prayers. This is the same way I hope my kids and my husband and others close to me will see our relationship. They can approach me regardless of our faults (our faults, our most grievous faults). If they’re working on big emotions (like me) they can let it all out. And while I have a few more time, energy and resource constraints, no matter is too small to bring up.
So the next time I throw a tantrum, once I pick myself up and thank God for helping me release those feelings safely, I’ll thank Him for modeling the perfect parent to me and putting me on this unique path to holiness.
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